Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
