When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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