Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
