He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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