I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
