My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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