Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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