And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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