i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My ATM looks so different sober.
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Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
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I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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