Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
