you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
