my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
