If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
