haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
