i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
