I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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