let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So much Jack, so little girl.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
