i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
