Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
