even my farts smell like vagina
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
