R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
