Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
