It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
