Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Randomize
