she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
