your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I smell stomach acid.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
