it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
