is wine microwaveable?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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