Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
