it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
