Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
