How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
