so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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