...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
