you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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