Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
