party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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