The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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