remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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