After last night, I could never be a politician.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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