At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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