Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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