.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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