as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
