OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
