She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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