im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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