Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
