Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
