I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
