no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Randomize
