I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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