Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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