Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
