I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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