felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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