my sisters under your porch take her home
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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