He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I am midnight drunk by noon
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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