so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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