I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
