I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
