she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I want to be your penis for a week.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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