Define "chronic" masturbator.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
