Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
