so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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