i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
