Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm always down for nudity.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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