My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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