Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
