there's paper in my vomit.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
