What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
