I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
